what is this world and why do we live in it. i have an issue with words. i find that i can use them to explain how i feel, but i can never use them to their full extent. I can write and give speachs with the best of them. but when it comes to the times when words mean the most to me i am at a loss. every once and a while i can come up with some thing great, or have the right thing to say at the right time, but when it comes to people that i really need to show who i am i just don't have the words. i just can't. i don't know why, and it isn't the people i "need" to impress, it is girls or friends. I can whip out the right speech that is needed for when a friend needs the help or when someone thinks they did some thing wrong. i can pull on my experience in life to help them get through most anything. Or when they need advice i can be on the spot, but when it really comes down to what is right and wrong with everything i clam up. when it is something that i am actually worried about, i get quiet and i don't speak up i just let it go until i can no longer take it and blow up over something stupid. that is the way of my life. i am not proud of it, nor do i endorse what i do as a way to handle things, but at the end of the day i will work to make a better.
i have tons of words, some that make people feel better, and some that bring light things that lay hidden. but when it comes to me to be the man i want to be i can't seem to get out the right words. I love poetry, i love able to wraps words into everything from life to loss from pain to happiness, just have a way with words until it comes time for me to speak on my behalf.
It took me over 9 tries to get 2 pages about myself for a personal statment for law school. Even then i felt the statement sucked ass. so that is my bitchy problem. i don't know how it has come to pass or why even i can't write about myself, that that is me me and me alone. so be it.
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