I find it hard to believe that every year I am more down than the year before but i am. I had a great Xmas a few years ago with a woman I loved very much but that time has passed. Now I have nothing. I just look at Xmas with their happy families and i realize that my family will never be that. My mom is a lonely woman my brother is controlled by his girlfriend and my father wouldnt even know how to give a fuck so I am stuck reading about everyones happy Xmas with their family and I am just over. Wish I could go back to work where I feel like I do something.
I am here pretending to have a good time and consoling my mother to show her that she is not alone in the world and I am feeling super alone. I hate this time of year. My birthday is coming up and i just don't give a shot this year. Just want to keep my head down and get through the next few years move away and start all over.
I am just rambling but I have been feeling very disconnected with everything lately and i just want to move on. Who knows what 2011 will bring. I just hope peace of mind is somewhere in there.
