struggling

i am struggling with so much right now. i has i have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders before, i have never felt this weight.

i don't know why i am in this funk, but i am. recent events have pushed me here, away from everything that i want to know and do know, into something that is so completely fucking random that i can't even see straight....RANDOM yo.

i just hold my head back and embrace all the problems that i am dealing with . i am holding my own against a world of shit that is running into my wall.

and now my pet peeves that i can usually throw to the way side are cracking the foundation of my ability to hold fast the problems, and i am pretty sure that i am going to fucking go nuts on someone really quickly...

this is my rant.....here we go.

i am tired of holding myself to standards that are above everyone elses standards, and then having them to expect me to do favors at my standard with out any recouse on their side. and the occasional favor to compensate for the overwhelming number of favors i do for you is not just compensation.

you need to quit relying on peoples sympathies to get your shit done, you are a grown ass person, start fucking acting like it. i am tired of you constant whinning and complainning and you need to be told you are right and blah blah blah. Grow up and be strong. Stop being a douche.

i am tired of having shit thrown at me becuase they feel like it is ok to keep piling shit one me. Oh chris can do it, oh it is no big thing we don't need to ask chris, oh no blah blah blah. i am tired of it. Stop using my name for currency in your fucked game of emotional monopoly. I don't have the time nor the want to clean up your fucking messes.

you made your bed, you gave your word, now fucking back it up. you have 2 things in this life you back and your word, don't break either for anyone.

i am tired of being a high standard person and you trading on credit that isn't even yours to get me to do favors for you. you are fucking with fire bitch and i will burn this mutha fuka down if you get to cocky. i do favors for you because of a loyality that i have to someone very close to you. and that is it. if this person wasn't around you would fucking drop off my radar like stealth. I don't have the need to help you, but you trade favors that aren't yours and put me in a place challenging my loyality.

and how dare you challenege my loaylity. i was here long before you and i will be here long after you are gone. so bide your time, keep steping incorrect and i will be sure to banish you from anywhere my rule lies. You will be but a sad memory when i am done. you fuck with me you will incur my wrath.

so keep fucking around, i am plotting and one day when you get confortable with the world you have mascraded i will snap it out from under you and leave you holding the truth. The cold, hard, painful truth. that you are nothing, will be nothing, and have nothing to bring to anything. you are useless.

and i pity you.

end rant..........