Tuesday, April 1, 2008

lost, trying to find a way...

i have struggled with this blog for a long time. I don't know what to say.

recently i was told that a person that i never met, never knew, and never really cared for pasted away. Now that might not rock many usually it doesn't rock me. People die everyday.

but this person was the 6 month old son of a friend of mine. This isn't a friend i have seen recently. but we have emailed back and forth for the past year. and we have grown from stories and friends.

so when i was informed that her baby boy had passed i couldn't move.

i have had my share of death in life. I have been to more funerals than i would like to talk about, but this kid hit me like a truck and i dont know why.

i always wonder about how great G-d is and i know that his plan is far better than any plan that i could ever conceive, but i wonder to why he feels the need to take this child or any child.  I don't know how i could ever understand what is going on. 

So I  sit and think on it, and let it stew, not telling anyone how i feel or the way this eats at me up inside trying to understand in all of G-d's wisdom.  i just find it hard to understand. 

One day everything will make sense but until then we face all these unknowns in the hope of finding a guiding light that will some how let us live the day, not understand, but accept what has happened.

i hope one day to find that acceptance, and maybe move forward. Until then i will search for something that i know i could never find. For it isn't the beginning or the end, but the journey that truly matters.

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