It has been a few months that i have been attending church. and I haven't really told my mom about it. Other than i am going to hang with the Weichers. That sort of justification makes it easy for me to tell people rather than i am trying to find my own faith. i was hiding behind my family so i could take the time to find out me.
Now i have to face this head on. I know that my mother is a person of little faith in organized religion. She believes in God and Jesus, but as for an sort of organized faith she finds that it draws away from her personal relationship with God.
Faith comes in many ways, the idea of people having a faith is a diffuclt one to change, we believe that is what we are made to do. we are given free will to do with as we please with Heavenly Father's hope that we will find our way back to him. Faith. that is not such a simple term. Trying to change someones faith is a feudal batter over symantical theories and beliefs in something greater than ourselves.
But looking on the flip side to that coin, rather than changing a faith why not nurutre it. This is what i come to understand. My faith is simple. God created us, Jesus saved us, and they both love us. This is simple, but the finer points, the nuances that we must find are those that we have to discover on our own.
I was going home this day. This is the day we talk about the church. 3 days with my mom and brother trying to explain what the Gospel has to offer, in specific what it has to offer me. My mother is so burned from churches, people stabbing her in the back treating her like a lesser person just becuase she was divorced. Or single or whatever. I know that her cynism rubbed off on me. I was cynical about it all until i had my own meeting with God. When i had a revelation that gave me faith.
This revelation is something for another blog and has nothing to do with LDS, but it came. SO i am driving home dialoguing (cause i am still unsure about the word praying) with God. asking him for guidence, asking him for help and asking him for UNDERSTANDING!!!!
i know my mother is a patient woman and she will accept me.
------picked up sunday evening back in monterey-------
This weekend was legendary. my mother after 3 days of talking we have come to an understanding. This was hard fought, though many misconceptions and false thoughts.
It was difficult at all times, the tension filled the air, but the conversation never dies down. her year of wisdom speaking though her tear soaked eyes...worried about loosing a son to a religion she doesn't understand or relate to. She chokes back her fears and stands tall with her son. Knowning that this journey is important to him knowing that the sins of past churches still do not resinate in his memory or soul. he has opened that door, let the lord shine in him and now, more than ever, he needs the support of his mother. She grants that support with fear in her heart, but understanding in her head.
this was not the first conversation nor the last i will have with my mother about the church, but it has been the hardest of our lives. I am a man who is finding his path in life, i am looking behind all the doors and trying to find the keys to my happiness.
I have started this path with the church maybe it is the right path maybe not, but right now i am justified in my investigation, and my mother, the only woman i have ever trusted fully, has gotten behind me. I know that this journey can end in several locations, but for right now i have my mom in my corner and it is the best place to be.
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